by Jemea A Kingsby
Asking a Narcissist to understand someone else's point-of-view, is like asking a fish to hike Mt. Everest. Asking a Codependent not to care about someone else’s point-of-view is like asking a dog to swim the Nile. Both are unrealistic feats.
I’m only now learning my codependent relationships with narcissist throughout my life: family, friends, bosses, and partners. I’m drawn to want to help them stroke their ego which to me always appeared to be a defense to hide their low self-esteem and lack of positive self-reflection. But now with more clarity, I see the narcissist lacks any self-reflection at all.
The narcissist can be characterized as having a victim mentality with predator actions.
The narcissist can be characterized as having a victim mentality with predator actions. They are not enabled with the ability to provide a self-initiated apology or acceptance of responsibility. They are alluring, fun and exciting, at first, until their true self comes unveiled.
An empathic co-dependent, such as myself, exist to understand others. A codependent will understand both the gunman and the victim, (do not confuse understanding with approval, please). While the empath, when not careful, will absorb and reflect the feelings and emotions of those they are surrounded by.
Recently, I found myself at odds with yet another narcissist, and while I was able to disengage and disconnect most days, the narcissist continued to revisit the same argument in an intentional effort to push all my buttons. Once sucked into the chaos, me being an empath, I literally began to mirror the ignorant rants and frustration that were being provoked upon me. The difference in our argument was that my purpose was to explain and understand, while the narcissist single-minded purpose was to be right, regardless of factual information. The narcissist requires you to be riled up with enough of their negative baggage to be able to deflect their own behavior and continue to prove to anyone who will listen that you are the predator and they the victim. So the argument is futile.
To a narcissist, being right trumps the truth trumps the facts and trumps the emotions or feelings of anyone else. As I continue my study of the Narcissist-Codependency Relationship through a reflection in my life, relevant blogs, videos, and knowledgeable friends and family, I understand that to a true narcissist the facts are irrelevant. This creates the ultimate hamster wheel of chaos.
Dealing with a narcissist is a great opportunity to practice self-control, but it’s ideal to live a life surrounded by people whom you never need to bring your self-control into action. You’ll find the narcissist excited about an argument, these are the ‘pot stirrers’ the instigators always ready to initiate or provoke disagreement; narcissist by nature thrive in areas of debate, politics, leadership roles and anything that makes them the spotlight. In the lowest types of the narcissist, they thrill to pass along negative energy while simultaneously pulling the positive energy you may have to give. A true narcissist will spin a cyclone of chaos then sit as the calm eye of the storm to watch their turbulent hurricane circulate around them. The narcissist is the victim of any given problem that they orchestrated and those who give in to their demands for attention are, to the narcissist, the perpetrator of the narcissist problem.
The next question arises, how do you identify a narcissist prior to ever allowing them to latch on?
Do you know a Narcissist? How has yoga helped you detach and disengage? Comment below.
Stay tuned for more on the #GetPerspective blog. As I’ll continue to share what I’ve learned as I work towards personal growth and an ever-changing understanding of perspectives.
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